Second---to lie or not to lie! (Don't ask my friend Lori this...she will say to lie! HA) AnnaKate and I were in the ENT's waiting room. Another mom was in the play area with her child and she asked me how old AnnaKate was. I answered honestly and politely. You should have seen her face. She was puzzled and trying to work through it. It was an awkward moment and I was just dying for the nurse to call us back. She kept making weird comments like..."Boy she's busy." and "I really like her hair." It is such an innocent question but really causes strife for me. As soon as I get asked this question from a stranger(which happens a lot) I run through the same dialogue with myself. "Should I tell the truth and have the awkward silence or just lie?" (By the way...I don't make it a habit to lie to anyone) It doesn't bother me that AnnaKate is tiny (I think it is cute) or that she she is developing differently, but it turns small talk into uncomfortable silence. So..I usually answer honestly but the thought of an easy way out still runs through my head. This predicament has really made me think twice about what I say when making small talk. Do I really need to ask that pregnant stranger how far along she is?
Third---Why do doctors not tell you what to do? Aren't they the professionals? I have had so many doctors leave the decision making up to me. I did not go to medical school. I want to know what they think! Today we went to AnnaKate's ENT follow-up to check on her blocked tube. Well--the salt water did not unblock it so we are heading for tube set number 3. I inquired about AnnaKate's enlarged tonsils and asked him what his thoughts were. He said he could remove them but it was up to me. Me...how can I make this decision. I have a hard time deciding which Orbit gum to have. I can't decide on this. I really pressed him for an answer but I got a real on the fence response. So..I am going to dive a little deeper into to this and enlist my pediatrician. I guess malpractice is so bad now that doctors really have to refrain from giving definite decisions. Being a parent is so hard----
Fourth---AnnaKate's eating update. I think I was way to stressed out by this. After I made my plan I felt much better. AnnaKate has done fine. She has not had to go go to bed hungry! :) Right now she has the makings of a summer time cold (so I am sure an ear infection is on the way) and she is not eating great due to that. But overall, things are looking up.
Fifth---We had a busy day today. AnnaKate was way fussy due to fact that she did not sleep well with her cold. But I had to run some errands so she had to endure. I did sit in the mall parking lot for 30 minutes when she decided to take a cat nap (how kind of me!) We went and visited with Cathy and Emerson this afternoon. AnnaKate loves to play with other kid's toys and their steps are always a hit! I don't have any new pictures but here is one of Cathy and the girls from a few months ago.
That felt good to get those random thoughts out. My mom said today that she read article about how blogging is good therapy. I do believe that it is!
Billy and I married in 1998 after dating for 6 years. In 2006 we adopted AnnaKate. We were lucky enough to meet her birth mother and take her home from the hospital. At about 4 months old, AnnaKate was diagnosed with Rubinstein-Taybi Syndrome. Through all of AnnaKate's struggles and delays she surprises and delights us daily! Thanks for marking this spot and coming back often to check in on us.
9 comments:
My suggestion is: don't lie...it might be the only opportunity for another parent to get a glimpse into life as a parent of a special needs child. If they think AnnaKate is typical (because you tell them what they're expecting to hear), you don't have a chance to open their eyes to our world.
I'm not suggesting you jump out with RTS and big thumbs and toes, but at least your honesty opens the door if they want to ask questions.
I just had this same experience today, but from a mom whose son is in a wheelchair. I'm sure she could tell that Natalie was special, even before she asked how old she was, but we were kindred souls with our special kids, so she didn't have to ask anything else. The other parents who were watching us might have figured something out from the unspoken words.
You really made me laugh out loud while reading your new post! Yes, at each CVS, Publix, and gas station trip I make now, I'll be on the lookout for any new flavors of Orbit- I'm looking out for you girl. And yes, I agree, tell the truth because think of these past 2 precious years of your life that you have had with AnnaKate! (And for the record...I didn't know I was lying to Graham about the shots! Haha!)
Oh the lies I have wanted to tell. I havent done it, but I have wanted too. Hes 5 months old instead of 9. I know what you mean.
Im there!
If you lie, i will lie:)
Think of it from the perspective of the parent asking the question. She was probably thinking of comparing how old her child is/ was with AK. We know comparing kids can lead to heartaches, but she might not. Now think about if you told her AK was 1, then she turns up at the next birthday party you go to. Then you'd be kicking yourself for not telling her the truth.
So let's think of a truthful, yet informative answer you can give. You don't have to tell the whole story, but you can probably say something that helps them understand.
There are some smart people reading this, let's figure it out! I'll get back to you on this!
My favorite comment I got from a stranger is "that baby sure has a lot of teeth". . . I always wonder how much to share too and how much is too much information. Max was 18 months when the comment was made.
Oh the dreaded age question...we get it all the time as well. Austin is very tiny like AnnaKate and the looks we get are priceless. People usually guess he's 2 or 3 but when we tell them he's 6, well you already know what's that like.
Is there another dr. within your ENT office that can give you his opinion as well? Our ENT has 3 dr.s but "our" ENT's eye got as big as saucers when he saw Austin's tonsils so there was no 2nd guessing to remove them...I believe he was 3 or 4 at the time.
I can also so relate to your 2nd point!!!!! I love taking my Matt out and about, and he is so friendly - smiles at people and catches their eyes. But then that moment (after having asked his name) when they ask his age. What is so important about his age!?! I haven't not told the truth yet, but have also felt tempted to lie - just to avoid dealing with the uncertainty that follows. Do I or don't I explain why Matt is nearly 2 but not walking yet and is so small he still wears clothes for a 12month old??? And if I choose to explain - how much to do say?? I wish people would just be up front about their thoughts, and ask. It would be so much easier than wondering what they are thinking and if they want to know more. So yes I RELATE to you.
Jacqui
PS just wondering if you mind me adding your blog as a link to mine (www.matthewtooke.blogspot.com)? You can email me on: tooke@webmail.co.za
I was in Rite Aide today and was intrigued by the Orbit gum because of your last post. I am on the look out for you! I saw Maui Melon Mint. Have you tried that one? If not, we need to get some for you to feed that Orbit obsession. :)
Cassie
We have met a new couple in our neighborhood with an adopted asian son and an adopted black son. Well, the parents are just white as white bread, so I asked, "How old were they when you adopted them?" She laughed and said that most people stumble around the adoption question. Really? because it is just a little obvious.
I guess I honesty works both ways. You could have some fun with it and say, "You know she never got any taller after my husband dropped her."
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