Up until a few years ago my dealings with grief were very few. I really thought that you only had to grieve when someone died. I have learned that you have to grieve for any loss. When we were dealing with infertility issues and we decided to stop at IVF number 2, I had to grieve the loss of never having my own child through a pregnancy. I think I tried to avoid my grief on that one. But it really became an issue. I knew I needed to deal with it when I could not visit one of my very best friends at the hospital after the birth of her first child. The sight of a pregnant woman or a baby shower made me sick. So I dealt with it...and I moved on. It wasn't easy but I had to face the grief so I could see a pregnant woman at the grocery store and not want to trip her up. Today I can honestly say, that I am fine with not ever having my own child through pregnancy. I reached this peace because I grieved the loss.
My next bout with grief was a whole lot tougher, AnnaKate's diagnosis. Looking back on it I can see that my grief for the loss of typical had very definite phases. Denial, silence, fear, etc. Grief is something that you have to deal with and you have to go through the phases that are going to make you whole again. If you avoid it, you will face challenges at every corner. If you embrace it, it will become the salve that heals your wounds. I am not going to be cocky and say that I knew all this while going through it. This is all hind site and me trying to explain my insensitive comment. Today I am truly at peace with AnnaKate's diagnosis. I love her for who she is and I am proud of her. I have no underlying issues with her syndrome. The biggest part of my grief and healing was blogging, blog reading and talking honestly to others about AnnaKate. It feels so good to be on the other side of my grieving. To be content and happy with AnnaKate for who she is and not what I dreamed she would be. So...I think my comment really should have been. "Take the time to grieve. Deal with all the issues head on, share with others and you will feel whole and happy on the other side."