Grief...

I recently found myself telling someone, "Just grieve it and get over it!". That sounds super insensitive and afterward I felt horrible about saying it. I have been tossing it around in my mind and trying to put my thoughts in order about what I truly meant.

Up until a few years ago my dealings with grief were very few. I really thought that you only had to grieve when someone died. I have learned that you have to grieve for any loss. When we were dealing with infertility issues and we decided to stop at IVF number 2, I had to grieve the loss of never having my own child through a pregnancy. I think I tried to avoid my grief on that one. But it really became an issue. I knew I needed to deal with it when I could not visit one of my very best friends at the hospital after the birth of her first child. The sight of a pregnant woman or a baby shower made me sick. So I dealt with it...and I moved on. It wasn't easy but I had to face the grief so I could see a pregnant woman at the grocery store and not want to trip her up. Today I can honestly say, that I am fine with not ever having my own child through pregnancy. I reached this peace because I grieved the loss.

My next bout with grief was a whole lot tougher, AnnaKate's diagnosis. Looking back on it I can see that my grief for the loss of typical had very definite phases. Denial, silence, fear, etc. Grief is something that you have to deal with and you have to go through the phases that are going to make you whole again. If you avoid it, you will face challenges at every corner. If you embrace it, it will become the salve that heals your wounds. I am not going to be cocky and say that I knew all this while going through it. This is all hind site and me trying to explain my insensitive comment. Today I am truly at peace with AnnaKate's diagnosis. I love her for who she is and I am proud of her. I have no underlying issues with her syndrome. The biggest part of my grief and healing was blogging, blog reading and talking honestly to others about AnnaKate. It feels so good to be on the other side of my grieving. To be content and happy with AnnaKate for who she is and not what I dreamed she would be. So...I think my comment really should have been. "Take the time to grieve. Deal with all the issues head on, share with others and you will feel whole and happy on the other side."

January Blah's and Ah-Ha's

Anybody else got the January Blahs??? The weather here is very gray, all the talk on tv is about our terrible economy, I have been too busy to blog or ready other blogs, our state cut majorly cut funding for AnnaKate's therapy...yuck! Even through all of this, I am not depressed...but it is starting to get to me. I think I am going to change my word of the year from purposeful to perspective. I want to keep everything in perspective. Things could be MUCH, MUCH worse! We need to support each other in tough times and know that we all need to chip in and do our part to make things better in our community and nation.

On to the Ah-Ha's. AnnaKate seems to be having Ah-Ha moments everyday. Things are just clicking. She understands so much of what we are saying and is learning new things each day. It is so fun to see her progressing and doing so well. Today we were playing with her baby doll and practicing following directions. Look at what she was doing...

Night-Night baby

Drink-Drink Baby

Brush, Brush, Brush your hair

Pat, Pat the Baby

Way to go AnnaKate!

Wordless Wednesday

 

Dress-up

I have mentioned before that AnnaKate goes to an amazing school, the Meyer Center. We have been so amazed at the progress she has been making and I know it is because of the teachers and therapists that interact with her on a daily basis.

AnnaKate's speech therapist emailed me about playing dress-up with AnnaKate. It is a great way to cover lots of skills, work on following directions, expose AnnaKate to some new vocabulary and have fun! I put together a dress up bag for AnnaKate and we have had a blast playing.

In the bag we have clothes, shoes and hats for mommy/daddy, AnnaKate and our Mandy doll. (By the way, the Mandy doll was mine from 1977. I still have her clothes and my grandmother even sewed and knit some clothes for her.) I ask AnnaKate to put Mandy's hat on Mandy, to put mommy's hat on mommy, and to put AnnaKate's hat on AnnaKate. She does such a good job following directions and putting the right hat on the right person (but it is really funny to put Mandy's hat on mommy!) We do this with shoes, jackets, scarves, etc. We spend a lot of time laughing and learning.

Even though I am a teacher, I am not really great at coming up with ideas like this for AnnaKate. I do lots of things but I so appreciate AnnaKate's therapists and teachers taking the time to help me be a better teacher/therapist/mommy to AnnaKate.

What kind of things do you do with your child to help their development?

**I thought I would get a picture of us playing dress-up but the week did not allow for that. The only thing it allowed for was an intestinal bug and lots of diapers.

Do you know Cullen?

Do you know Cullen Wood? She is a movie star in our house. AnnaKate is a huge fan of singing. She loves to listen to anyone sing Itsy Bitsy Spider, Row Row Row your Boat, Wheels on the Bus, etc. One day I was just plain tired of singing and found these really neat videos of Cullen Wood singing these songs. So some days when my singing voice is hoarse or I am tapped out...Cullen gets to do the singing.

Check out AnnaKate watching and listening to Cullen. (Watch what happens at the end...there is a glitch and it stops...AnnaKate looks devastated.)

What do your kids love?

Wordless Wednesday

 

 

Purposeful

My friend, Holly, and I were talking the other day about a word for the new year. A word that captures what you want 2009 to hold. She chose thrive. She has a new little one and very rambunctious 2 year old, so it was a fitting word. I stumbled through many words in my mind and finally called her back with mine, purposeful. I thought is was appropriate for lots of reasons.

*I want to be more purposeful in how I spend my time.
*I want to be more purposeful in what I say to others.
*I want to be more purposeful in how I interact with AnnaKate.
*I want to be more purposeful in how I take care of my body.

I think being purposeful covers lots of bases. Check out Allie Edwards blog. She has great list of words for 2009 that other people have chosen.

What word will you chose for 2009?